Along the narrow, winding path through brambles and beside beauty that has been my spiritual path, I often encounter my shadow. The shadow is an archetype as defined in Jungian psychology. It is those aspects of ourselves that we judge unacceptable. We cast these miscreants into our shadow bag that stretches out behind us. We rejoice in our lantern aspects and the light of these cast the shadow that follows us like a faithful dog.
We are right and they are wrong. This is good and that is bad. The judgements fall from our lips effortlessly and often without thought. We repeat what we have learned and embraced as truth. Yet, we give little consideration to what these judgements cost us. All the energy and pieces of our being stripped and thrown out as waste leave us fragmented and stunted.
Consider the Zen koan "Everything is Best": When Banzan was walking through a market, he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer. "Give me the best piece of meat you have," said the customer. "Everything in my shop is the best," replied the butcher. "You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best." At these words, Banzan became enlightened.
I have noticed that the more I try to run, putting distance between me and my shadow, the harder and quicker it snaps back and slaps me in the face as if attached by a rubber band. I was slapped pretty darn hard last Thursday and I didn't like it one little bit. My mantra since Thursday has been "It's all good." This has helped me short circuit my usual pattern of self-judgement and recriminations.
Consider my experience several years ago when I was first in therapy. I was having trouble going to sleep, feeling anxious and irritable. I wanted to crawl right out of my skin. I would fidget, toss and turn, fluff my pillow, take deep breaths all to no avail. Finally, I would hop out of bed and rush downstairs to sit on the couch and rock rapidly back and forth. After about 30 minutes, the emotions would abate and I could go back to bed and sleep. After several weeks, the situation had reached an intense pitch and rocking wouldn't help. I jumped off the sofa and started pacing back and forth. After a few minutes of this, I had the distinct impression that someone was following me. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up and butterflies were spinning in my stomach. The quite and dark of the night added to my fear. I paced more quickly as though I could escape whatever or whoever was pursuing me. I was convinced that it was a ghoul or witch who meant to harm me. I paced more quickly still. At some point, logic kicked in overcoming my fear. Taking a deep breath, I spun quickly to face my would be "attacker". For a brief moment, I was afforded a glimpse of not a witch or a ghoul, but a beautiful woman hovering above the ground with her long, wavy hair blowing as if in a wind. She was me.
Jungian psychology describes our shadow as the wildness of character with a flavor of the exotic. My shadow was pursuing me those long ago nights. Ever since, I have attempted to embrace that wildly beautiful and defiant part of myself. On my good days, I feel her presence and I feel whole and powerful. On my bad days, I repeat my mantra..."It's all good." Take it out for a spin and let me know if it helps you!
Namaste!
No comments:
Post a Comment